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Blonde Jokes

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."

A blonde was out of money so she went to her neighbor's house and asked if she could do any odd jobs for them. The husband replied that their porch needed to be repainted and asked how much it would cost. The blonde replied only $5 so the husband told her where the paint was and went back inside. He told his wife about it and she asked if he had told her it was a rap-around porch. The husband said no, but assumed she knew since she was standing on it. In about 20 minutes the blonde reappeared saying she had already finished. She also said that there had been enough paint left over to add a second coat. The husband asked how that could be because he had only bought enough paint for one coat on the porch. The blonde said she didn't know and by the way it's not pronounced porch, it's Porche. Submitted by: Pam

Why did the blonde snort NutraSweet? She thought it was diet coke.
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.
What does a smart blonde and a UFO have in common? You are always hearing about them, but you never actually see one.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? Takes too long to retrain them.
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"
What do you call a blonde dyed brunette? Artificial intelligence.
What do you call three blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes.

Two blondes thought they would save money by re-siding their house themselves. After assembling all the necessary materials, the 1st blond put on a nail bag and started pounding in nails.
As the 2nd blonde brought over another piece of siding, she watched the 1st blonde take out a nail, look at it, and then throw it over her shoulder. The next nail she pounded in, after looking at it first. The 2nd blonde watched this routine for sometime, and finally asked the 1st blonde why she was throwing some of nails over her shoulder.
The 1st blonde said that when she pulled out a nail  from the bag & looked at it, if the point of the nail was facing her, the nail had to be defective!
The 2nd blonde said "Those nails are not defective.
They're for the other side of the house!

Sent in by Terry - Email: t.kearney@mailexcite.com

An evil genie captured a brunette, a redhead, and a dumb blonde and banished them all to the desert for a week. The genie allowed them each to bring one thing.

The brunette brought a canteen so she wouldn't die of thirst.
The redhead brought an umbrella so she could keep the sun off.
The dumb blonde brought a car door, so if it got too hot out, she could just roll down the window!

Sent in by Buckwheat
Email: buckwheat-dc@bigfoot.com

Why did seventeen blondes go to the movie?
Because the sign said: "Under 17 not admitted". (You must be a brunette to understand this)

Sent in by Richard
Email: creech,richard_D+@honolulu.va.gov

q) what's a blonde's mating call?
a) ohmigod, i'm so druuuunk!
q) what's an ugly blonde's mating call?  
a) [stomping foot] i saaaaaaid - i'm so DRUNK!
q) what's a brunette's mating call?
a) that blonde gone yet?
Submitted by: Elise

What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette....
A blonde doing cartwheels!
Sent in by: Gavin - physics@vsi.net

There was a dumb blonde out on a rowboat one day in the middle of a wheat field. Then another dumb blonde drives by and yells to the one in a rowboat, "It's people like you that give us a bad name!! And if I could swim I would go out there to kick your butt!!!
Submitted by: Brunette

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's probably got a grenade in her teeth!
Submitted by: Macca

There was a pretty smart blonde who got hired for an excellent paying job. She was leaving work one day when she saw another blonde in the middle of a wheat field in a row boat. The smart blonde yelled to the rowboat blonde, "What do you think you're doing?!" The girl replied, "I'm rowing home to make dinner for my husband and kids." The smart blonde yelled back, "You're so stupid, it's blondes like you who give us blondes a bad name, and if I could swim out there I'd kick your ass!"
Submitted by: Nick Godsmark ceo23@erols.com

How did the blonde break her arm raking the leaves?  She fell out of the tree.
Submitted by: Emily superemily13@hotmail.com

A blonde walks into a hair salon wearing headphones. The hairdresser comes over to cut her hair, and tells the blonde that in order to get her hair cut the headphones must come off. The blonde says that she can't.

Finally the hairdresser convinces her to take them off. Within minutes, the blonde dies. The hairdresser, wondering what was so important about the headphones, and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."
Submitted by: Gwen

There were 11 people holding onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.
Submitted by: Funny man

How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5, 1 to hold it in place and 4 to turn the chair.
Submitted by: Jessica Eierman Email: Ziggiekidz@aol.com

There were two brunettes and a blonde on a deserted desert and they found a lamp, so they rubbed it and a genie appeared and he said he would grant them three wishes. So the first brunette said she would like to be home with her family,so boom she was there. The next brunette said that,that sounded pretty good,so boom she was there. Then the blonde gets her wish and she says"It's getting kind of lonely, I wish those girls were back here with me."
Submitted by: Kelly

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?  Wave to her.
Submitted by: Chad Hartman tcholt@ij.net

Why can't a dumb blonde eat pickles ?
ANSWER : Cause she can't get her head in the damn jar !

Why can't a dumb blonde go waterskiing ?
ANSWER : Cause when she gets wet, she tends to drop on her knees !

What does a dumb blonde say after having an orgasm ?
ANSWER : «Thanks, everyone !»

Submitted by L.F.

How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil!   Submitted by: Katie and Laura

I have a good joke. OK. Three blondes were walking down a beach. They found a lamp, and decided to see what would happen if they rubbed it. So when they rubbed it "POOF" out popped a genie. He said that he would grant them any wish they wanted. The first blonde said "OK" I want to be 10 times smarter. "POOF" she was turned into a burnette. The second girl said well I want to be 10 times smarter than that. "POOF" she was turned into a red head. The third blonde said well I kinda like being stupid so I want to be 10 times stupider. The genie had to think about this one for a long time, because he was never asked to do such a thing before. But after 3o minutes he said"Ahha,I got it". "POOF" he turned her into a man.
I LUV It by the way I am a blonde and I think all these jokes are hilarious! I'm such a nerd!
(not really though)
Submitted by: Catherine

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