You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter
who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age .....
and isn't breaking any laws.

You call Olan Mills before they call you.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You make an appointment to see the dentist.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

Neighbors borrow your tools.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"

You answer a question with, "because I said so!"

You send money to PBS.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word "equity" means.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to
watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You can go bowling without drinking.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle aged.

You're still chasing women but can't remember why.

A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.

You walk with your head high trying to get used to your bifocals.

Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."

You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.

Dialing long distance wears you out.

The best part of your day is over when your alarm clock goes off.

You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go

The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

It is one of my favourite site.
Adrish <>
Durgapur, West bengal India - Wednesday, April 06, 2011 at 10:41:46 (EDT)

this is an amazing website
Chris Smith <>
UK - Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 09:03:07 (EDT)

That was very funny. It takes one to know one!
Ralph Tintle <>
London, England - Wednesday, July 14, 2004 at 11:10:23 (EDT)

These are very good and oh so true!!
Christina <>
Portmahomack, Scotland - Monday, June 16, 2003 at 06:54:50 (EDT)

Absolutely TOO funny - couldn't stop laughing...out loud!
Manuela Perez <>
Huntington, TX USA - Thursday, March 27, 2003 at 18:25:30 (EST)

OMG!!! ur blonde jokes are hilarious.......that's all bye!!!
Toronto, Canada - Saturday, June 15, 2002 at 23:58:15 (EDT)

What makes you think COFFEE ISN'T the most important thing in life??? Leave my little black book alone,, and M.D. doesn't always mean DOCTOR,,,does it????
A Hall <>
Marion, In USA - Tuesday, May 07, 2002 at 22:18:50 (EDT)

Oh, har-dee-har-har, you young whippersnappers! What's so gol'darn funny? I think you forgot about, "10-15 years ago I used to make fun of people with "AAA" (Triple A) stickers on their I'm one of them!" - or - "you know you're not a kid anymore when you and your parents are both members in good standing in AARP!" - or - "the same friends you used to bar hop with on the weekends are now at the grocery stores Friday and Saturday nights, because it's quiet and all the "kids" are out bar hopping." - or - "you're not a kid anymore when you know which day of the week the Social Security checks come out and avoid the grocery stores and banks because of the long lines." - or - "you know you're not a kid anymore when the music your kid listens to, you quit trying to appreciate for what it is so you'd be considered cool, and finally break down and admit it sounds like noise." - or - "you know you're not a kid anymore, when taking out the trash before watching TV really IS more important." - or - "you know you're not a kid anymore when you start repeating what your mom said to you as a kid, to your own kids - "Stop fighting in the back seat! Don't make me have to pull this car over." or - "you're not a kid anymore when you catch yourself repeating to your kids what your mom said to you....such as....."keep that up, you'll be laughing out of the other side of your face." "Mom, where's my jacket?" Whaddya mean, 'where's your jacket?' - Let's see, the last time I wore your jacket I left it......"
Podunkville, PA USA - Monday, March 04, 2002 at 02:01:28 (EST)

Oh man, the page with the funny quotes was so're doing a great job!!!
Brittany F. <>
Altoona, PA USA - Saturday, February 09, 2002 at 19:13:03 (EST)

I am only 20...and now I don't want to turn 21...hehehe
Summer <>
Port Arthur, TX USA - Sunday, October 28, 2001 at 21:41:01 (EST)

My brother sent this page to me and you have some very funny things here. I really enjoyed them
Tina <>
Triadelphia, WV USA - Monday, May 28, 2001 at 20:31:27 (EDT)

pretty funny stuff here!
USA - Sunday, May 06, 2001 at 18:35:59 (EDT)

Very, very,funny& oh so true !!!!!!!!1
Dot <>
Tybee Isl., Ga USA - Sunday, March 11, 2001 at 15:25:39 (EST)

I am a granny, and you are so right....he who laughs last...
Rose <webjenie>
USA - Tuesday, February 20, 2001 at 23:31:24 (EST)

I am a granny, and you are so right....he who laughs last...
Rose <webjenie>
USA - Tuesday, February 20, 2001 at 23:30:20 (EST)

this page is soo cute!! I love it!
MI USA - Sunday, December 17, 2000 at 23:04:04 (EST)

LeKittkatt said I would see a pic here.
Lil' Murphy Lee <mattix00>
New Albany, MS USA - Sunday, August 27, 2000 at 10:50:53 (EDT)

I'm German and Irish. I want to take over the world, but I'm too lazy.
Joe Tintle <tintle@Home>
Union, NJ USA - Thursday, August 17, 2000 at 16:00:12 (EDT)

*Laugh* I'm not old and quite a few of them already apply to me. Still a GREAt page.
USA - Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 02:24:35 (EDT)

this is really a very nice site....coool stuff
fouad arif <>
karachi, sindhi pakistan - Wednesday, June 07, 2000 at 10:16:59 (EDT)

Sue <>
Mantua, nj USA - Monday, May 29, 2000 at 18:33:34 (EDT)

Sheeesh! I can remember when 28 was young, but I see myself all over this page! LOL
Cathy <>
USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 19:47:23 (EDT)

It is a cool site!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ray Gifford <@ skipper>com>
Flint, MI USA - Thursday, May 04, 2000 at 09:37:01 (EDT)

The shoe certainly does fit on most of them.
Sir Stinky Feet <>
Watertown, TN USA - Sunday, March 26, 2000 at 19:56:37 (EST)

Really really good. Going to mention it on my radio show.
Chris <>
Cardiff, Wales (UK) - Thursday, March 16, 2000 at 12:25:26 (EST)

Great page, extremely entertaining. Me and my friend laught our heads off.
Martijn and Pim
Rotterdam, The Netherlands - Friday, March 03, 2000 at 07:18:45 (EST)

We have been laughing for an hour! great site.
Nick the whoever <>
Killaloe, Ontario Canada - Monday, February 28, 2000 at 20:35:51 (EST)

You forgot this item on your list: "When people stampede out of a public restroom when they see you hobble into a stall." Anyway, great page!
Courtney McFarren <>
Akron, OH USA - Thursday, February 17, 2000 at 23:52:11 (EST)

Name: Tiffany
Comments: How about when you have all the answers and no one asks you the questions? Or when you painfully realize that your generation is the aids generation:walking aids,hearing aids,visual aids.

Comments: This page was sent to m. I don't know how old you are but it is so true, most of them anyway lol

Name: Bill Emerson
Homepage: http://looksmart /
How did you get here: Crescendo Cool Site
Comments: Very funny,I realize that i'm not a kid anymore!!

Name: Lori-Lynn Farron
How did you get here: A link on Someone's Site
Comments: I laughed so hard, but I was also a little frightened that I actually recognized myself a few times in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very entertaining,,,Bravo!

Name: Classic_53
How did you get here: Just Surfed On In!
Comments: this is a great site and a great page, boy can I relate to some of these. LOL

How did you get here: Just Surfed On In!
Comments: EEK....I can relate!

Lois Brown
Someone sent to me. It is cute and so true.

Name: LIZ
How did you get here: A link on Someone's Site

Name: Geri Ann
Comments: Guess I qualify! I'm proud of my new
electric cordless mower,
I drink coffee and I never used to, and I just made an
appointment to see my dentist! Yikes!

Name: Crockroach
Homepage: http://
How did you get here: Just Surfed On In!
Comments: I think I'm still a kid!!

Name: Terry Ellis
Homepage: http://
How did you get here: Just Surfed On In!
Comments: How true some of these items are!!!!

Name: PennWarnie
Homepage: http://
How did you get here: Just Surfed On In!
Comments: You know you are longer a kid when you sign every guestbook and respond to every comment you can on the Internet just to let the world know that you still exist, as if anyone really cares, like my ungrateful, unsympathetic kids, for example.

Name: granny
Email: aww75
Homepage: http://
How did you get here: LinkExchange
Comments: it sure sounds like me for every word fits me now i know it is time for me to stop acting like a kid and like a granny

Name: Kris Erwin
Email: cyk
Homepage: http://
How did you get here: Word of Mouth
Comments: Loved it!! It's great!!! Laughed so hard darn near cried.....

Homepage: http://
How did you get here: A basic Web Search

Name: Eileen
Homepage: http://
How did you get here: Just Surfed On In!
Comments: this site is making me laugh out loud! it's really hilarious and you should keep adding to it

Name: Elaine
Homepage: http://
How did you get here:
Comments: I'm almost sure that this message was meant for Paul!!!!

Name: Ron Johnson
Homepage: http://
How did you get here: Just Surfed On In!
Comments: very funny, at 53 know that it is true

Name: Big Red
Email: don't have 1
Comments: pretty damn funny!!

Name: Jessica E
How did you get here: A link on Someone's Site
Comments: This is a hilarious page. Its great if you want a quick laugh.=)

Name: The Skinners
How did you get here: Word of Mouth
Comments: Thank you for putting up such a wonderful website. "We", my husband and myself got a big kick out of the "How do you know when you are not a kid" page. You know you have accomplished something when men and women laugh together!! I guess we are not kids anymore!! Thanks for the revelation!!! grin

Name: Rick Sandifer
Email: harvetten@aol
Homepage: http://don't have one
How did you get here:
Comments: You also know that your old when cops look like kids.

Name: John Aye
Homepage: http:// not yet
How did you get here: Crescendo Cool Site
Comments: I think you have a very good sense of humor
I may visit back here soon

Name: Bernadette Patras
Homepage: http://
How did you get here:
Comments: Robin, I think I am no longer a kid. I can answer to almost all on this page.HEY you caught up to me now!!!!!! Happy Birthday to you my friend, actually it is tomorrow. Hope to here from you on my email. sooo long.....

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