Murphy's Law

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He who hesitates is probably right.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."

Death to all fanatics!

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Hard work pays off in the future.

Laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

love is blind-marriage is an institute for the blind !! Submitted by: beamer

Submitted Laws

If you're interested in somebody, they are either married,
"attached", or gay.
Submitted by: Stealth

Nature is a Mother!!
Submitted by: Sacred Cow!

Schwartz' law : Murphy was an optimist.
Submitted by IrishLeb

If at first you don't succeed, don't be surprised.

What you "need" today and pay a 200% markup they
are giving away next week.
Submitted by: Blind Dog

The toast always falls the buttered side down.

If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Submitted by: Dave Holden

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Submitted by: Dave Holden

The world has a shortage of clean water and an abundance of idiots.
Submitted by: Delight


If somewhere a man is hit by a car every 4.5 seconds, he must be
found and taken to a hospital.

Never under estimate the power of a woman.  
Submitted by: she-ra

If at first you don't suceed, quit, and let someone else
waste their time and look like an idiot.
Submitted by-broward county wage slave.

"Je Me Souviens", on Quebec license plates, means;
"I come to S. Fla. to screw up traffic."
Submitted by: broward county wage slave

If you let it go and it comes back it's yours  
--if it doesn't come back hunt it down and kill it!
Submitted by: a very lonely person.

If you see light at the end of the tunnel its usually an on coming car!
Submitted by: XoHuggs

The chances of a peanut butter sandwich landing face
down are proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Submitted by

If it won't move you need a bigger hammer
Submitted by:alnel60

Never underestimate stupid people in large groups -
Submitted by: Jayge

it's not love at first sight if there's a bottle in your hand
or your glasses on the floor. -
Submitted by: beebledeepop

He who shows no mercy, deserves no mercy...
Submitted by: Adam G.

Mondays are the crabcrass in the lawn of life...
Submitted by: a monday hater...

If your attack is going perfectly, you've walked into an ambush.

the other line always moves faster.
Submitted by: bo kirkpatrick

"The only difference between genius and stupidity is
that genius has its limits." -Albert Einstein

If it can go wrong, fix it!!! To hell with Murphy!!!
Submitted by: tech support wage slave

Never Trust Anything That Bleeds More Than
Three Days and Doesn't Die

If idiots could fly, This place would be an airport.

Number of commercials or phone calls is always
proportional to the desire to watch the show. -Pat

My theory of Evolution is that Darwin was adopted.  
Submitted by: tech support wage slave

"if your washing the dishes, your nose will itch" try it!
Submitted by: CC

If something is broken, walk away with an innocent look on your face.
Submitted by: The Las Vegas Village Idiot

Beware Mrs Murphy.
Submitted by:

Too soon old, too late smart.
Submitted by: My German great grandpa

the light at the end of the tunnel is the head light of the oncoming train!
chances are it won't   Submitted by: smurf

Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will use it.
Submitted by: Sally

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to
stick in his mouth.  Submitted by: Sally

99% of everything is crud. Submitted by: Sally

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. Submitted by: SA9er

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