SIGNS THAT YOU ARE TOO DRUNK:

• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
• You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
• Job interfering with your drinking.
• Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
• Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
• The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
• Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? -
  I think not!
• Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a
  drinking problem!
• You can focus better with one eye closed.
• The parking lot seems to have moved while you
  were in the bar.
• You fall off the floor...
• Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
• Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger,
  screw dinner!
• Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
• At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
• Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
• The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
• You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine,
  Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men].
• Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's
  cat more and more attractive.
• Roseanne looks good.
• Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
• That darned pink elephant followed me home again.
• Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads
  when they walk past you.
• I'm as jober as a sudge.
• The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
• You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!"
  in the middle of the night.

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