• You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
  • You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
  • Job interfering with your drinking.
  • Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
  • Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
  • The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
  • Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? -
    I think not!
  • Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a
    drinking problem!
  • You can focus better with one eye closed.
  • The parking lot seems to have moved while you
    were in the bar.
  • You fall off the floor...
  • Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
  • Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger,
    screw dinner!
  • Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
  • At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
  • Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
  • The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
  • You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine,
    Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men].
  • Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's
    cat more and more attractive.
  • Roseanne looks good.
  • Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
  • That darned pink elephant followed me home again.
  • Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads
    when they walk past you.
  • I'm as jober as a sudge.
  • The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
  • You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!"
    in the middle of the night.

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