An entire new strain of viruses has just been uncovered and we wanted
to get this information to you as soon as possible. Please share this with
others immediately!!
* Monica Lewinsky virus........Sucks all the memory out of your
computer.
* Lorena Bobbit virus..........Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch
floppy.
* Ellen Degeneres virus........Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC.
* Titanic virus................Makes your whole computer go down.
* Disney virus.................Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
* Mike Tyson virus.............Quits after one byte.
* Prozac virus.......Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't
care.
* Woody Allen virus.........By-passes the motherboard and turns on
daughter card.
* Joey Buttafuoco virus........Only attacks minor files.
* Spice Girl virus.............Has no real function, but makes a pretty
desktop.
* Ronald Reagan virus..........Saves your data, but forgets where it
is stored.
* Dr. Kevorkian virus.....Searches your hard drive for old files and
deletes them.
* Oprah Winfrey virus..........Your 200MB hard drive suddenly
shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
* Arnold Schwarzenegger virus........Terminates and stays resident.
It'll be back.
* Viagra virus.......Expands your hard drive while putting too much
pressure on your zip drive.
* Then there is the Clinton PC. It has a six inch hard drive and no
memory.
* FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS
Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do
practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part
of the computer.
* PAUL REVERE VIRUS
This revolutionary virus doesn't horse around. It warns you of impending
disk attack, once if by LAN, twice if by C.
* AT&T VIRUS
Every three minutes it reminds you what great service you are getting.
* MCI VIRUS
Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the
AT&T virus.
* GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
* CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS
Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a messege appearing on each
half blaming the other side for the problem.
* AIRLINE VIRUS
You're in Chicago but your data is in Singapore.
* STAR TREK VIRUS
Invades your system and boldly goes where no virus has gone before.
* TED TURNER VIRUS
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
* PBS VIRUS-Your PC stops what it is doing every few minutes to ask for money.
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