You've been married three times and still have the
Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his
widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your
family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien
You think Possum is "The Other White Meat"
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result
of a message on the wall of the mens' room at the
Flying J Truck Stop.
The centerpiece on your dining room table is an
original signed work by a famous taxidermist.
You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded right off its wheels.
Your huntin' dawg had a litter of puppies in the
living room and nobody noticed.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin' wrong with incest as long as
you keep it in the family.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and
heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner
are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after
she threw out your Elvis 45's.
You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your
You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a
message that begins, "For a good time Call..."
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the
dump and bring back more than you took.
Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She
got to readin'.
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH
LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
Your family tree has no forks.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since
"Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
The third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a
mathematical genius because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get something out of the
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in
the same grade.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a
freebie at the House of Tattoos.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more
teeth than your wife.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow
the keys to the tractor.
You think the Mountain Men in "Deliverance" were just
If you refer to the fifth grade as, "your senior
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive
him around in.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of
paint to defend your sister's honor.
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow
You think the three primary colors are John Deere
Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is
a law against it.
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the
sound of a tornado.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and
had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking
You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin'
beer when it gets light.
You think the stock market has fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a
call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL
AS "THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."
The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on
a different night.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle AND your
You met your parents met at a family reunion.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of
the major food groups.
You stare at an orange juice container because it
YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT IS A SIX-PACK
AND A BUG-ZAPPER.
Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey,
y'all watch this!".
You couldn't learn to swim because your gene pool is
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your
in-laws to a movie.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front
door to make it look nice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a
The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your high school basketball game got rained out.
YOU'VE EVER COME HOME AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.
You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin'
Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart
You do your serious Christmas shopping at the Flying J truck stop.
You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People"
You think the winter olympic sport of curling is part
of the "Big Hair" competition.
You've painted a car with house paint.
You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.
You ever named a child after a dog.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
You removed the back seat from your car so all yer
kids could fit in.