Murphy's Law - [Your Submissions]

If you can't say anything nice about someone, make sure it will stand up in court.
Submitted by: Robyn in Virginia
- Thursday, October 11, 2012 at 13:48:47 (EDT)

"if at first you don't succeed, bend over and let someone else do it"
Submitted by: Steady
- Wednesday, April 21, 2010 at 08:28:27 (EDT)

Confusion is when both your minds argue
Submitted by: Steady
- Wednesday, June 03, 2009 at 02:12:17 (EDT)

Every cloud has a gold lining...
Submitted by: Reason
- Wednesday, June 03, 2009 at 02:10:05 (EDT)

Very High pitched sound cannot be heard by normal ears,If you dont laugh at my joke it's too funny you cannot catch it.
Submitted by: Steady
- Tuesday, June 02, 2009 at 11:34:07 (EDT)

If youre looking for it and can't find it , it's probably looking for you.
Submitted by: steady
- Tuesday, June 02, 2009 at 11:30:49 (EDT)

ketchup is all or nothing
- Sunday, May 18, 2008 at 05:40:40 (EDT)

You always cook too much rice
- Sunday, May 18, 2008 at 05:40:03 (EDT)

felt tip pens are always dry, except yellow ones
- Sunday, May 18, 2008 at 05:37:40 (EDT)

The beatings will continue until morale improves
- Sunday, May 18, 2008 at 05:36:13 (EDT)

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE - if you dont understand the problem
cheese <>
London, UK - Sunday, May 18, 2008 at 05:35:08 (EDT)

Greed Is good as long as you know when to STOP
Submitted by: Sywa
- Friday, September 28, 2007 at 22:55:55 (EDT)

The Way it looks was never the way is
Submitted by: Sywa
- Friday, September 28, 2007 at 22:52:16 (EDT)

If you ever leave your shopping cart unattended for 5 seconds, someone MUST come into the store wanting the EXACT same stuff that's in your cart.
Submitted by: Tattor-tot
- Sunday, July 29, 2007 at 21:20:47 (EDT)

The best way to learn irony is to live life.
Submitted by: QUIN-CHAN
- Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 12:41:19 (EDT)

When you have a perfect boyfriend, ask him if he's gay...just for precaution sake
Submitted by: aya-chan
- Sunday, April 29, 2007 at 03:55:56 (EDT)

hell has no fury like a woman scorn, especially my grandma scorn...
Submitted by:
- Sunday, April 29, 2007 at 03:49:32 (EDT)

Advising is easy when it come to practise it is the most difficult S.Sathyan,Srilanka
Submitted by:
- Thursday, September 02, 2004 at 08:07:13 (EDT)

If everything goes right, you just don't know what went wrong.
Submitted by: SilverS
- Saturday, August 07, 2004 at 16:01:44 (EDT)

You'll never see things in the big picture, partly because the big picture is infintely big.
- Friday, October 10, 2003 at 17:53:08 (EDT)

Where does it all end up when "IT" all goes wrong? ends up in MRS. Murphy's CHOWDER!!! Jump on in - the chowder's FINE!!!
Submitted by: Nobody's Stand-IN STUNT Double (Jesse Slokum -- Busker For FREEDOM)
- Sunday, July 06, 2003 at 23:53:19 (EDT)

It is impossible to tell the depth of a well by the length of the handle on the pump!
Submitted by: Hank
- Thursday, July 03, 2003 at 09:51:00 (EDT)

fight the dragon too long and you will become the dragon.
Submitted by: momi pinto
- Monday, June 30, 2003 at 06:56:37 (EDT)

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Submitted by: NONO
- Wednesday, February 26, 2003 at 09:51:37 (EST)

Submitted by: NONO
- Tuesday, February 25, 2003 at 09:44:40 (EST)

A true genius can be stopped by a idiot. A true idiot can't be stopped by a genius.
Submitted by: nono
- Tuesday, February 25, 2003 at 09:42:56 (EST)

Though there may be no such thing as a stupid question, there are stiil alot of inquisitive idiots!
Submitted by: Sergeant
- Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 11:07:34 (EST)

Life's a bitch and then you die so screw the world and lets get high!
Submitted by: Kat
- Saturday, October 26, 2002 at 13:45:02 (EDT)

Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Submitted by: Kat
- Saturday, October 26, 2002 at 13:44:02 (EDT)

The telephone rings loudly when you are busy working.
Submitted by: Daanish
- Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 16:55:11 (EDT)

"Your village called--their idiot is missing."
Submitted by: dude508
- Thursday, June 20, 2002 at 15:34:15 (EDT)

one day, i was sitting in my bedroom, being lazy and stupid, thinking nothing could go right. i told my boyfriend that i just didn't know who i was. he told me to go downstairs, and through the hall and out the door, and then i'd find myself. so i went downstairs, and tripped over the dog, went down the hall, and unplugged the ringing phone by falling onto it, spilled a cup of coffee on the new rug, and then locked myself outside. to add to it, it started raining.
Submitted by: crazybaby's back
- Friday, June 14, 2002 at 07:43:09 (EDT)

"when living gets hard, keep living. when loving gets hard, keep loving. when work gets hard, get a new job.
Submitted by: crazybaby
- Friday, June 14, 2002 at 07:40:03 (EDT)

if you create an idiot proof system, then socity will create a smarter idiot.
Submitted by: freak
- Saturday, May 11, 2002 at 15:58:03 (EDT)

Murphy's Law Squared: If it can go wrong, it will make a specific point of going wrong simply to inconvenience you.
Submitted by: BJ and Ginny
- Thursday, April 11, 2002 at 21:40:31 (EDT)

Life is nothing short of buffalo chips dipped in cow pie
Submitted by: (c) TIMID
- Wednesday, April 10, 2002 at 05:08:10 (EDT)

Darwinian man, no matter how well behaved, is still a gorilla, just very well shaved.
Submitted by: Kissel
- Thursday, April 04, 2002 at 13:03:26 (EST)

When someone makes something fool proof; society will make a bigger fool
- Monday, March 25, 2002 at 21:46:25 (EST)

if you starve a tiger, the tiger starves last.
Submitted by: wierderandwierder
- Tuesday, February 19, 2002 at 17:34:51 (EST)

Smart people don't need advice; damn fools won't take it.
Submitted by: My Grandfather always said
- Saturday, December 08, 2001 at 15:35:44 (EST)

if u see a long tunnel stay away from the light
- Sunday, December 02, 2001 at 15:51:30 (EST)

After having sex, one of the partners is always disapointed, luckily I have never been that person.
Submitted by: Michael Krzcuik
- Saturday, October 27, 2001 at 11:59:12 (EDT)

Weare not only responsible for what we do,but also for what we don't do.
Submitted by: Richard G.
- Thursday, October 04, 2001 at 05:16:01 (EDT)

If we would't always chase after our luck,we would have the best Live.
Submitted by: Richard G
- Thursday, October 04, 2001 at 05:13:13 (EDT)

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!
Submitted by: shala taebi
- Wednesday, October 03, 2001 at 18:24:00 (EDT)

every one else is a potential idiot
Submitted by: dusty oliver
- Saturday, September 29, 2001 at 11:01:41 (EDT)

If you make a cow laugh really hard, would milk come out of her nose???
Submitted by:
- Thursday, September 27, 2001 at 04:53:16 (EDT)

No good deed goes unpunished!
Submitted by: Jbow
- Tuesday, June 12, 2001 at 19:58:55 (EDT)

The Silent Soldier By G.A.Codling A soldier crawls along a forest floor A match grade barrel to do his chore Blending with the woodland scene He leaves no trace of where he's been A single task occupies his mind To the outside world he is blind One single task, one single goal Only his mission occupies his soul He moves into the open grass The enemy patrol makes a searching pass although they look, they can not see the man moving out from a distant tree One hour, two , three then four He only moves a few feet more Zero hour is getting near He knows his target will soon appear A single man he has been sent to kill and on his hands this man's blood will spill The moment is now, the target's in site Taking up the first pressure the shoot feels right One ounce more on the trigger sear The bullet races away like a high speed spear It races throw the air with a thunderous crack There's a fountain of blood as it exits the man's back The silence is deafening theirs not a single sound as the shooter removes the case of the single spent round His task now done he fades back in to the wood His only trace is a body wear a man once stood.
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 21:09:57 (EDT)

Learn from those who have gone before; teach those who come after. The Roman Empire did not create a prosper and come to be feared by having meetings and doing paperwork; they did this by killing all who opposed them
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 21:08:29 (EDT)

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes. I mean, it’s not like he really needed them, right?
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 21:05:39 (EDT)

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 21:03:02 (EDT)

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not shoot, The courage to shoot the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies.
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 21:01:26 (EDT)

never trust anything that bleeds for more than 3 days and dosent die
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 20:58:25 (EDT)

6p's Prior Preporation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 20:42:22 (EDT)

if you love some one set them free if they return .........set them on fire
Submitted by: marine mike
- Monday, June 11, 2001 at 20:32:41 (EDT)

Never screw over a buddy, you may need him when the shit hits the fan. Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers. Commit, indecision kills. The most dangerous thing in the bush is a hero or a green Lt. .
Submitted by: Viet Nam Vet, 11th ACR
- Thursday, May 24, 2001 at 07:15:51 (EDT)

Law of the Grunt: Never stand when you can sit, Never sit when you can lay down, Never lay down without catchin' some ZZZZ's. Never look for a handout, the only ration that won't be short is the ration of shit.
Submitted by:
- Thursday, May 24, 2001 at 07:00:48 (EDT)

never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
Submitted by: marine grunt
- Wednesday, May 09, 2001 at 07:27:47 (EDT)

never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
Submitted by: marine grunt
- Wednesday, May 09, 2001 at 07:27:06 (EDT)

Marine Corp snipers law: Remember, when the enemy is in are you.
- Tuesday, May 08, 2001 at 16:26:08 (EDT)

Marine Corp snipers law: Dont run, you'll just die tired.
- Tuesday, May 08, 2001 at 16:25:36 (EDT)

Remember, Never eat the Yellow Snow!!
Submitted by: Captain Jack in Florida
- Friday, April 20, 2001 at 10:30:03 (EDT)

Professionals are predictable, its the amatuers that worry me.
- Sunday, March 18, 2001 at 23:16:15 (EST)

Every time you put two socks in the dryer, one will come out.
Submitted by: Tanya
- Saturday, March 03, 2001 at 14:45:28 (EST)

Submitted by: Jim Brunot's friend
- Monday, January 01, 2001 at 16:34:56 (EST)

Murphy's Math; Constants aren't, Variables won't.
Submitted by: Mechanical Designer
- Thursday, October 26, 2000 at 15:43:43 (EDT)

Your Computer will always Crash when typing the 4999 word of a 5000 word essay (when you havent saved it from word 10)
Submitted by: Kirsty
- Friday, September 15, 2000 at 12:05:37 (EDT)

The early bird may get the worm but the early worm gets eaten.
Submitted by: Brian M.
- Saturday, September 02, 2000 at 21:35:07 (EDT)

the wiser you get the more you realize how little you know.
Submitted by: just me
- Sunday, August 27, 2000 at 00:30:19 (EDT)

seen on a commercial: learn to read... dial 1800 ABCDEFG
Submitted by:
- Thursday, August 24, 2000 at 17:59:04 (EDT)

YOU ARE UNIQUE, just like everybody else...
Submitted by:
- Thursday, August 24, 2000 at 17:57:05 (EDT)

refer to the unused portion of your brain as "Calculus" .
Submitted by: Brian
- Thursday, August 24, 2000 at 02:22:20 (EDT)

Murphy's Law of War: If you are close enough to shoot the enemy, the enemy is close enough to shoot you.
Submitted by: Nova
- Wednesday, August 23, 2000 at 17:55:22 (EDT)

Submitted by: Silver
- Wednesday, August 02, 2000 at 20:11:08 (EDT)

"Be quiet i can't hear the sub-titles."
Submitted by: The Dark in the Dark
- Sunday, July 30, 2000 at 15:52:30 (EDT)

"I think lard's my favorite food group."
Submitted by: The Dark in the Dark
- Sunday, July 30, 2000 at 15:51:07 (EDT)

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Submitted by:
- Friday, July 07, 2000 at 18:14:23 (EDT)

If you mess around with something long enough, you will screw it up!
Submitted by:
- Friday, July 07, 2000 at 18:12:47 (EDT)

"If everything is coming your way, then you are obviously in the wrong lane."
Submitted by: Memory Loss again
- Saturday, June 24, 2000 at 14:15:09 (EDT)

"Always remember, no matterhow badly the idiots may out number you, they're still the idiots"
Submitted by:
- Tuesday, June 20, 2000 at 22:16:30 (EDT)

If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it's rightfully yours. If not, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Submitted by: Blonde
- Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 00:18:06 (EDT)

Looking over your site was alot of fun and brought back tons of memories such as cars of that time came standard with V-8's and seatbelts (no shoulder strap, only lap belt) was an option!!! No airbags back then only a metal dashboard painted the same color as the exterior. Back then you could buy gas and pay at the pump just like today only then you gave cash money to the guy that filled your tank with gas, checked your oil and cleaned the windshield, at a good place they even checked the air in the tires. No self serve then. The gas choice was Ethyl or Regular and Amoco was known as Standard. Just think, the cars had huge v8's, all metal construction, no seat belts, no plastic parts and the paint on the car as well as the gasoline contained lead and we lived to tell about it. As far as tv in the Chicago area we had Ray Rayner weekday mornings with his Cuddly Duddly puppet dog who read jokes that viewers sent in. He had a pet duck Chelviston and a director he called Chauncey. Cartoons and shows I remember watching that I didnt see listed here are HR Puff-n-Stuff, Dasterdly Doright, as well as Quick Draw McGraw with his sidekick Bobba Louie
Mike <>
St. Charles, IL USA - Thursday, June 08, 2000 at 04:01:24 (EDT)

Disarm Rapists!
Submitted by: Laura
- Friday, May 12, 2000 at 22:36:22 (EDT)

Submitted by:
- Thursday, April 20, 2000 at 17:47:43 (EDT)

whose crule idea was is to spell "lisp" with an "s"
summited by: RaVeN
- Thursday, April 20, 2000 at 14:50:26 (EDT)

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Submitted by: The People
- Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 21:02:22 (EDT)

If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
Submitted by: Memory Loss
- Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 21:01:41 (EDT)

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
Submitted by: more Memory Loss
- Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 21:01:10 (EDT)

If you you can't read this, you won't mind me calling you an idiot.
Submitted by: Memory Loss again
- Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 20:37:26 (EDT)

If you don't remember Woodstock, you were probably there.
Submitted by: Memory Loss
- Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 20:36:02 (EDT)

If it moves shoot it, it it doesn't it probaly works here.
Submitted by:
- Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 08:17:19 (EDT)

If everything seems to go perfectly, you obviously don't have clue what's going on
Submitted by:
- Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 08:16:07 (EDT)

If you want your dreams to come true, don't sleep.
Submitted by: The _Wizard
- Sunday, April 09, 2000 at 14:58:31 (EDT)

Whenever demonstrating a broken appliance to the repair man, it works perfectly!
Submitted by: ...Him, over there!
- Friday, March 31, 2000 at 04:53:01 (EST)

Your child will always miss the bus when you have an important meeting to attend to first thing in the morning.
Submitted by: BrianJCh
- Tuesday, March 07, 2000 at 11:50:07 (EST)

Don't count your chickens befor they hatch...or you'll end up with a fist full of broken shells
Submitted by: Ryan Cawdor
- Monday, March 06, 2000 at 08:45:39 (EST)

The cord was never plugged in at all. That explains the apperant lack of death
Submitted by: Marcuss Scott
- Sunday, January 30, 2000 at 20:59:24 (EST)

Anything that can go wrong... WILL
Submitted by: Studly
- Wednesday, January 19, 2000 at 17:39:33 (EST)

If you make it idoit proof, someone will make a better idiot
Submitted by: superman
- Wednesday, January 19, 2000 at 17:38:18 (EST)

The light at the end of the tunnel is the light of an oncoming train.
Submitted by: WeeMadHenry
- Sunday, January 09, 2000 at 20:24:41 (EST)

Seen on a bumpersticker: Honk if You Love Peace!
Submitted by: reenie

Everyone believes in something....I believe I'll have another drink.
Submitted by: jb6er

Enter a darkroom and you'll have double chance of hitting the plug rather than the interruptor
Submitted by: Motenai

The chance of plugging any 110 Volt electrical at 220 is always superior to its opposite
Submitted by: Motenai

Every rubber tube cut at exact mesure will turn in too short
Submitted by: Motenai

What's the speed of dark?
Submitted by: deprived_little_one

If you see a light at the end of the tunnel, it's the Bank Manager
looking for you with a torch.  Submitted by: Sppire

A new hire will screw up in a way never before imagined.
Submitted by: airline mechanic

Don't fall into PUPPY LOVE that leads ultimately to a DOG'S LIFE!!!
Submitted by: DAvid CHan(Hope)

Do you know any Murphy's Law's
you wouldn't mind sharing?


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