Murphy's Law - [Your Submissions]
If you can't say anything nice about someone, make sure it will stand up in court.
"if at first you don't succeed, bend over and let someone else do it"
Confusion is when both your minds argue
Every cloud has a gold lining...
Very High pitched sound cannot be heard by normal ears,If you dont laugh at my joke it's too funny you cannot catch it.
If youre looking for it and can't find it , it's probably looking for you.
ketchup is all or nothing
You always cook too much rice
felt tip pens are always dry, except yellow ones
The beatings will continue until morale improves
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE - if you dont understand the problem
Greed Is good as long as you know when to STOP
The Way it looks was never the way is
If you ever leave your shopping cart unattended for 5 seconds, someone MUST come into the store wanting the EXACT same stuff that's in your cart.
The best way to learn irony is to live life.
When you have a perfect boyfriend, ask him if he's gay...just for precaution sake
hell has no fury like a woman scorn, especially my grandma scorn...
Advising is easy when it come to practise it is the most difficult
If everything goes right, you just don't know what went wrong.
You'll never see things in the big picture, partly because the big picture
is infintely big.
Where does it all end up when "IT" all goes wrong? Why...it ends up in MRS.
Murphy's CHOWDER!!! Jump on in - the chowder's FINE!!!
It is impossible to tell the depth of a well by the length of the handle
on the pump!
fight the dragon too long and you will become the dragon.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
WE ARE NOT HAPPY... UNTIL... YOUR NOT HAPPY
A true genius can be stopped by a idiot. A true idiot can't be stopped by
Life's a bitch and then you die so screw the world and lets get high!
Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so get wasted all the time
and have the time of your life!
The telephone rings loudly when you are busy working.
"Your village called--their idiot is missing."
one day, i was sitting in my bedroom, being lazy and stupid, thinking nothing
could go right. i told my boyfriend that i just didn't know who i was. he
told me to go downstairs, and through the hall and out the door, and then
i'd find myself. so i went downstairs, and tripped over the dog, went down
the hall, and unplugged the ringing phone by falling onto it, spilled a cup
of coffee on the new rug, and then locked myself outside. to add to it, it
"when living gets hard, keep living. when loving gets hard, keep loving.
when work gets hard, get a new job.
if you create an idiot proof system, then socity will create a smarter
Murphy's Law Squared: If it can go wrong, it will make a specific point of
going wrong simply to inconvenience you.
Life is nothing short of buffalo chips dipped in cow pie
Darwinian man, no matter how well behaved, is still a gorilla, just very
When someone makes something fool proof; society will make a bigger fool
if you starve a tiger, the tiger starves last.
Smart people don't need advice; damn fools won't take it.
if u see a long tunnel stay away from the light
After having sex, one of the partners is always disapointed, luckily I have
never been that person.
Weare not only responsible for what we do,but also for what we don't do.
If we would't always chase after our luck,we would have the best Live.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success!
every one else is a potential idiot
If you make a cow laugh really hard, would milk come out of her nose???
No good deed goes unpunished!
The Silent Soldier By G.A.Codling A soldier crawls along a forest floor A
match grade barrel to do his chore Blending with the woodland scene He leaves
no trace of where he's been A single task occupies his mind To the outside
world he is blind One single task, one single goal Only his mission occupies
his soul He moves into the open grass The enemy patrol makes a searching
pass although they look, they can not see the man moving out from a distant
tree One hour, two , three then four He only moves a few feet more Zero hour
is getting near He knows his target will soon appear A single man he has
been sent to kill and on his hands this man's blood will spill The moment
is now, the target's in site Taking up the first pressure the shoot feels
right One ounce more on the trigger sear The bullet races away like a high
speed spear It races throw the air with a thunderous crack There's a fountain
of blood as it exits the man's back The silence is deafening theirs not a
single sound as the shooter removes the case of the single spent round His
task now done he fades back in to the wood His only trace is a body wear
a man once stood.
Learn from those who have gone before; teach those who come after. The Roman
Empire did not create a prosper and come to be feared by having meetings
and doing paperwork; they did this by killing all who opposed them
Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet.
So I took his shoes. I mean, its not like he really needed them,
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not shoot, The courage
to shoot the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies.
never trust anything that bleeds for more than 3 days and dosent die
6p's Prior Preporation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance
if you love some one set them free if they return .........set them on fire
Never screw over a buddy, you may need him when the shit hits the fan. Avoid
loud noises, there are few silent killers. Commit, indecision kills. The
most dangerous thing in the bush is a hero or a green Lt. .
Law of the Grunt: Never stand when you can sit, Never sit when you can lay
down, Never lay down without catchin' some ZZZZ's. Never look for a handout,
the only ration that won't be short is the ration of shit.
never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
Marine Corp snipers law: Remember, when the enemy is in range.....so are
Marine Corp snipers law: Dont run, you'll just die tired.
Remember, Never eat the Yellow Snow!!
Professionals are predictable, its the amatuers that worry me.
Every time you put two socks in the dryer, one will come out.
HIRE THE MORALLY HANDICAPPED
Murphy's Math; Constants aren't, Variables won't.
Your Computer will always Crash when typing the 4999 word of a 5000 word
essay (when you havent saved it from word 10)
The early bird may get the worm but the early worm gets eaten.
the wiser you get the more you realize how little you know.
seen on a commercial: learn to read... dial 1800 ABCDEFG
YOU ARE UNIQUE, just like everybody else...
refer to the unused portion of your brain as "Calculus" .
Murphy's Law of War: If you are close enough to shoot the enemy, the enemy
is close enough to shoot you.
"Be quiet i can't hear the sub-titles."
"I think lard's my favorite food group."
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
If you mess around with something long enough, you will screw it up!
"If everything is coming your way, then you are obviously in the wrong
"Always remember, no matterhow badly the idiots may out number you, they're
still the idiots"
If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you, it's rightfully
yours. If not, you either married it or gave birth to it.
Looking over your site was alot of fun and brought back tons of memories
such as cars of that time came standard with V-8's and seatbelts (no shoulder
strap, only lap belt) was an option!!! No airbags back then only a metal
dashboard painted the same color as the exterior. Back then you could buy
gas and pay at the pump just like today only then you gave cash money to
the guy that filled your tank with gas, checked your oil and cleaned the
windshield, at a good place they even checked the air in the tires. No self
serve then. The gas choice was Ethyl or Regular and Amoco was known as Standard.
Just think, the cars had huge v8's, all metal construction, no seat belts,
no plastic parts and the paint on the car as well as the gasoline contained
lead and we lived to tell about it. As far as tv in the Chicago area we had
Ray Rayner weekday mornings with his Cuddly Duddly puppet dog who read jokes
that viewers sent in. He had a pet duck Chelviston and a director he called
Chauncey. Cartoons and shows I remember watching that I didnt see listed
here are HR Puff-n-Stuff, Dasterdly Doright, as well as Quick Draw McGraw
with his sidekick Bobba Louie
whose crule idea was is to spell "lisp" with an "s"
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will
cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong
If you you can't read this, you won't mind me calling you an idiot.
If you don't remember Woodstock, you were probably there.
If it moves shoot it, it it doesn't it probaly works here.
If everything seems to go perfectly, you obviously don't have clue what's
If you want your dreams to come true, don't sleep.
Whenever demonstrating a broken appliance to the repair man, it works
Your child will always miss the bus when you have an important meeting to
attend to first thing in the morning.
Don't count your chickens befor they hatch...or you'll end up with a fist
full of broken shells
The cord was never plugged in at all. That explains the apperant lack of
Anything that can go wrong... WILL
If you make it idoit proof, someone will make a better idiot
The light at the end of the tunnel is the light of an oncoming train.
Seen on a bumpersticker: Honk if You Love Peace!
Everyone believes in something....I believe I'll have another drink.
The chance of plugging any 110 Volt electrical at 220 is always superior
to its opposite
Every rubber tube cut at exact mesure will turn in too short
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