A
young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?"
asked the doctor. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that
hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts,
too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a
natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You
have a broken finger."
A
blonde was out of money so she went to her neighbor's house and asked if
she could do any odd jobs for them. The husband replied that their porch
needed to be repainted and asked how much it would cost. The blonde replied
only $5 so the husband told her where the paint was and went back inside.
He told his wife about it and she asked if he had told her it was a rap-around
porch. The husband said no, but assumed she knew since she was standing on
it. In about 20 minutes the blonde reappeared saying she had already finished.
She also said that there had been enough paint left over to add a second
coat. The husband asked how that could be because he had only bought enough
paint for one coat on the porch. The blonde said she didn't know and by the
way it's not pronounced porch, it's Porche. Submitted by: Pam
Why
did the blonde snort NutraSweet? She thought it was diet coke.
What
do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it
back.
What
does a smart blonde and a UFO have in common? You are always hearing about
them, but you never actually see one.
Why
should blondes not be given coffee breaks? Takes too long to retrain them.
What
did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Doughnut
seeds!"
What
do you call a blonde dyed brunette? Artificial intelligence.
What
do you call three blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes.
Two
blondes thought they would save money by re-siding their house themselves.
After assembling all the necessary materials, the 1st blond put on a nail
bag and started pounding in nails.
As the 2nd blonde brought over another piece of siding, she watched the 1st
blonde take out a nail, look at it, and then throw it over her shoulder.
The next nail she pounded in, after looking at it first. The 2nd blonde watched
this routine for sometime, and finally asked the 1st blonde why she was throwing
some of nails over her shoulder.
The 1st blonde said that when she pulled out a nail from the bag &
looked at it, if the point of the nail was facing her, the nail had to be
defective!
The 2nd blonde said "Those nails are not defective.
They're for the other side of the house!
Sent in by Terry - Email: t.kearney@mailexcite.com
An
evil genie captured a brunette, a redhead, and a dumb blonde and banished
them all to the desert for a week. The genie allowed them each to bring one
thing.
The brunette brought a canteen so she wouldn't die of thirst.
The redhead brought an umbrella so she could keep the sun off.
The dumb blonde brought a car door, so if it got too hot out, she could just
roll down the window!
Sent in by
Buckwheat
Email: buckwheat-dc@bigfoot.com
Why
did seventeen blondes go to the movie?
Because the sign said: "Under 17 not admitted". (You must be a brunette to
understand this)
Sent in by Richard
Email: creech,richard_D+@honolulu.va.gov
q) what's a blonde's mating call?
a) ohmigod, i'm so druuuunk!
q) what's an ugly blonde's mating call?
a) [stomping foot] i saaaaaaid - i'm so DRUNK!
q) what's a brunette's mating call?
a) that blonde gone yet?
Submitted by: Elise
What's
blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette....
A blonde doing cartwheels!
Sent in by:
Gavin
- physics@vsi.net
There
was a dumb blonde out on a rowboat one day in the middle of a wheat field.
Then another dumb blonde drives by and yells to the one in a rowboat, "It's
people like you that give us a bad name!! And if I could swim I would go
out there to kick your butt!!!
Submitted by: Brunette
What
do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's probably got a grenade in her teeth!
Submitted by: Macca
There
was a pretty smart blonde who got hired for an excellent paying job. She
was leaving work one day when she saw another blonde in the middle of a wheat
field in a row boat. The smart blonde yelled to the rowboat blonde, "What
do you think you're doing?!" The girl replied, "I'm rowing home to make dinner
for my husband and kids." The smart blonde yelled back, "You're so stupid,
it's blondes like you who give us blondes a bad name, and if I could swim
out there I'd kick your ass!"
Submitted by: Nick Godsmark ceo23@erols.com
How
did the blonde break her arm raking the leaves? She fell out of the
tree.
Submitted by: Emily superemily13@hotmail.com
A
blonde walks into a hair salon wearing headphones. The hairdresser comes
over to cut her hair, and tells the blonde that in order to get her hair
cut the headphones must come off. The blonde says that she can't.
Finally the hairdresser convinces her to take them off. Within minutes, the
blonde dies. The hairdresser, wondering what was so important about the
headphones, and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..."
Submitted by: Gwen
There
were 11 people holding onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were
blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get
off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get
off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get
off, all of the blondes started clapping.
Submitted by: Funny man
How
do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a
pool.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5, 1 to hold it in
place and 4 to turn the chair.
Submitted by:
Jessica
Eierman Email: Ziggiekidz@aol.com
There
were two brunettes and a blonde on a deserted desert and they found a lamp,
so they rubbed it and a genie appeared and he said he would grant them three
wishes. So the first brunette said she would like to be home with her family,so
boom she was there. The next brunette said that,that sounded pretty good,so
boom she was there. Then the blonde gets her wish and she says"It's getting
kind of lonely, I wish those girls were back here with me."
Submitted by: Kelly
How
do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.
Submitted by: Chad Hartman tcholt@ij.net
Why
can't a dumb blonde eat pickles ?
ANSWER : Cause she can't get her head in the damn jar !
Why can't a dumb blonde go waterskiing ?
ANSWER : Cause when she gets wet, she tends to drop on her knees !
What does a dumb blonde say after having an orgasm ?
ANSWER : «Thanks, everyone !»
Submitted by L.F.
How
can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? She has a tampon behind her
ear and she can't find her pencil! Submitted by: Katie and
Laura
I
have a good joke. OK. Three blondes were walking down a beach. They found
a lamp, and decided to see what would happen if they rubbed it. So when they
rubbed it "POOF" out popped a genie. He said that he would grant them any
wish they wanted. The first blonde said "OK" I want to be 10 times smarter.
"POOF" she was turned into a burnette. The second girl said well I want to
be 10 times smarter than that. "POOF" she was turned into a red head. The
third blonde said well I kinda like being stupid so I want to be 10 times
stupider. The genie had to think about this one for a long time, because
he was never asked to do such a thing before. But after 3o minutes he said"Ahha,I
got it". "POOF" he turned her into a man.
I LUV It by the way I am a blonde and I think all these jokes are hilarious!
I'm such a nerd!
(not really though)
Submitted by: Catherine
Visit page two for More Blonde
Jokes
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