Deep Dennis Miller

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens it
considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?

If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?

Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank machines?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

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