Headlines from the year: 2029

  • Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

  • White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

  • Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

  • Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

  • Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

  • Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

  • Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

  • France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

  • Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

  • George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

  • Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

  • 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

  • Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

  • Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

  • Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

  • Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.

  • New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

  • Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

  • IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

  • Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

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